It's that time again when I receive my yearly email alerting me and other non-hunters of how effing scary the woods around these parts are about to become: It's HUNTING SEASON. The craziest part is the list of the animals that these hunters target:
SQUIRRELS- Oct. 6-12 ; Oct. 13-Nov. 24; Dec. 10-22 and Dec. 26-Feb. 9
RUFFED GROUSE: Oct. 13-Nov. 24 ;Dec. 10-22 and Dec. 26-Jan. 26
RABBITS Oct. 20-Nov. 24, Dec. 10-22 and Dec. 26-Feb. 9
PHEASANT: Oct. 6-12 ;Oct. 20- Nov. 24; Dec. 10-22 and Dec. 26-Feb. 9
BOBWHITE QUAIL: Oct. 20-Nov. 24
HARES (SNOWSHOE RABBITS) Dec. 26-Jan. 1
WOODCHUCKS (GROUNDHOGS): No closed season, with a few exceptions
CROWS: July 1-Nov. 24 and Dec. 28-April 6, on Friday, Saturday and Sunday only..
STARLINGS AND ENGLISH SPARROWS: No closed season,with a few exceptions
WILD TURKEY Oct. 27-Nov 17 (not everywhere in the state)
SPRING GOBBLERS April 19, 2008;April 26-May 26, 2008.
BLACK BEAR Nov. 14-15 ; Nov. 19-21; Nov. 26-Dec. 1; Nov. 28-Dec. 1.
ELK (Antlered or Antlerless): Sept. 3-29; Nov. 5-10
DEER: Sept. 15-28; Oct 13-20; Sept 29 – Nov 10; Nov. 12-24; Nov 26-Dec 8;Dec.10-22; Dec. 26-Jan 26
COYOTES: No closed season
RACCOON & FOXES: Oct. 20-Feb. 16
OPOSSUM, SKUNKS & WEASELS: No closed season, except Sundays and prior to noon during the spring gobbler season
BOBCAT Oct. 20-Feb. 16
People here in PA will apparently kill ANYTHING! I mean, crows? Possums? Starlings!? Is this for sport, or do people just hope that pesky skunk or starling is messing up the yard ONLY during those open-season dates?
The email goes on: "As you see, there are MANY hunting seasons. Since brown hair might look like a groundhog to a hunter who is 200 yards away, we suggest that you always wear a Blaze Orange cap and vest whenever you’re out there. It’s not being paranoid, it’s just common sense."
Oh. My. God. I don't OWN any "blaze orange" clothing or caps, people. All I can do is make like Denethor, son of Ecthelion, and yell, "FLEE! FLEE FOR YOUR LIVES!"