Disaster Movie

(Scene begins on back porch. Protagonist DELIA is on porch with tripod, scope and camera attached with newly constructed adapter. Hesitantly, but with great excitement, DELIA turns the camera on. An image is projected on the camera's LCD.)

DELIA (almost screaming): Holy crap! Oh my gosh! Okay. Calm down. Why's it all blurry? Oh--focus the scope. Duh. (adjusts focus knob until image on LCD is clear as crystal) Holy crap! Okay. Find a bird. There's a crow on the scraggly pine tree; perfect! (turns scope/camera assembly on tripod until crow comes into perfect focus) Oh my gosh. (snaps photo) Wow. Okay--I wonder if I zoom the scope lens... (crow image gets larger and vignetting is reduced in LCD) Holy crap! Okay, now I'll just zoom the camera lens a little bit... (crow image gets larger, vignetting is reduced yet more--

Ladies and gentlemen, we're sorry to interrupt your movie, but we've encountered some technical difficulties. It seems that when DELIA zoomed, the camera's lens was obstructed by the firmly attached adapter, and the camera then flashed "LENS ERROR" in the LCD. We are trying to correct these difficulties. Please have some popcorn and soda, courtesy of theatre management. In the interim, we'll show you the "Special Features" that were included on this special-edition DVD.

PLAY MOVIE /SCENE SELECTION /SPECIAL FEATURES /PREVIEWS

INTERVIEW WITH DELIA
"Well, everything was going incredibly well until I messed with the zoom on the camera. I heard the lens kinda struggle against the rubber that was gripping it, and I removed my finger from the zoom button faster than a baby pulls away from a hot stove, but then that 'LENS ERROR' thing came up. And it wouldn't go away. I looked on the Internets and found some people who said I was pretty much screwed: the camera is dead. But some people said they forced the lens out or whatever and then their camera was okay. I wasn't that lucky. I think the camera is dead, right along with that beautiful picture of the crow. I don't even think there was any hand-shake-blur on it." (falls weeping to floor)

END OF SPECIAL FEATURES